Canned Soup

 Today was a big day. I had a follow-up appointment for my cardiology appointment. Yesterday, I told my husband that the doctor wasn't going to ask me any questions, and he was just going to tell me that I needed to lose weight. Maybe it was cynicism from other medical experiences, or maybe it was prophetic, because that is exactly what happened. 

The doctor came in and immediately told me that I needed to lose weight. He told me specifically that I needed to stop eating canned soups. What kind of bogus advice is that?! I can't even tell you the last time I had soup from a can. I don't even eat a lot of soup in general, but when I do, it's not from a can. It was so strange and infuriating. He then acted shocked that I do, in fact, work out regularly. After I informed him that I knew I needed to lose weight and have been making strides to do so, he asked about my glucose which means he didn't even look at my bloodwork. I'm not even sure he looked at my chart at all before walking in the room. 

He told me that my two ekg's came back normal, and that, thankfully, he doesn't think anything is wrong with my heart. Then he said that he could schedule a stress test on a treadmill. I asked him for clarification because didn't he just say that he didn't think there was anything wrong with my heart? He responded that yes, he thought my heart was fine, but that we could schedule the stress test for my peace of mind. Oh yes, doctor, because scheduling childcare, rearranging my work schedule, and paying for a test that I don't need sounds like a great idea. What a joke. 

I left feeling frustrated at the doctor, and even more frustrated at myself. While yes, of course, I'm thankful that my heart and all of my bloodwork came back healthy, part of me feels so dumb for having all of these dr appointments and worrying myself and others for "nothing".

Here's the thing - Nothing is a coincidence. I can't remember the creator right now, I'm sorry, but recently I saw a video that talked about how there needs to be no way for the Waymaker to make a way. When the Israelites were up against the Red Sea, God parted it. There was no way, then the Waymaker showed up.  When all of our research and questions lead to nowhere, that is when we need to be on the lookout for the Waymaker. 

On the way to drive my two littles to karate this afternoon, I listened to the song Yet Not I But Through Christ In Me by City Alight. These lyrics really stood out to me:

The night is dark, but I am not forsaken
For by my side, the Savior, He will stay
I labor on in weakness and rejoicing
For in my need, His power is displayed

To this I hold, my Shepherd will defend me
Through the deepest valley, He will lead
Oh, the night has been won, and I shall overcome
Yet not I, but through Christ in me

I am incredibly grateful for a healthy diagnosis, AND I am still feeling pressure in my chest that won't go away. If this really is anxiety or stress, then I am nowhere. While part of me feels embarrassed that my body is not coping very well, the other part of me is excited. It feels like an invitation that in my weakness, His power can be displayed. 

So, what do I do now? Focus on nutrition and fueling my body with foods that make me feel good and hydrated. Prioritize rest, sleep, and giving myself grace. Figure out how to reduce stress (still working on a game plan for this one). Spend more time with Jesus so I can arm my heart and mind with the right armor for fighting spiritual and mental battles. And last, but certainly not least, eat less canned soup.