Showing up for myself

Last week, I finished week 3 of 8 of a running plan using the app Runna. Currently, I'm running 3 times a week. My last two runs were extremely hard for me to complete. I asked Instagram if I should keep going on my running plan or repeat a day that I couldn't finish perfectly. My husband gave an answer I can't share with the public (shout out to my biggest fan), and two other people said keep going. For some reason, I got it in my brain that I wouldn't struggle as much with the next one. Boy, was that false! I was in tears at the end of my last run. On one hand, I felt like a failure. On the other hand, I know that any workout is better than no workout. Somehow, that didn't make me feel any better.

Everyone else makes it look so easy. I just see pictures of people smiling post-run, or they are talking about how hard and good a workout felt. I have never experienced a runner's high. Ever. I don't understand it. I enjoy working out, sweating, getting new PR's, lifting heavy, and pushing my body and mind to the limits. Running, though? Misery. I just want to be able to help my middle girl train for her 3 miles that she will have to do in a couple years. Also, I want to prove to myself I can do it, even if I don't enjoy it. 

As I was processing this with my hubs, I said, "What am I supposed to do, just cry on the internet?", and he said, "Maybe". Maybe he's right. Maybe I need to be the person showing other people that it's hard and that you're gonna fail. People talk about failing, but they don't really share that reality. Mostly, I see a compilation video of people crying but then overcoming it and doing it well. People don't tend to share the nitty-gritty, in between of failure and frustration. 

So, yesterday I should have posted the pic of me sweaty and crying. Maybe there's someone out there feeling like they are up against something impossible, and all they see are people smiling. The real failure would be if I quit the program. 

I'm not going to quit. Instead, I'm upping my game. When I looked back at my week, I realized I did not properly hydrate or fuel my body with good nutrition. I also didn't do any strength training, and did minimal stretching. I'm basically abusing my body and getting frustrated that it isn't performing. Ridiculous. So, I'm going to change that this week. I'm going to take care better of my body so that it can perform better, and I'm going to be real in the moment, honest about how I'm feeling.